Katherine visits Santa

Katherine loves Christmas. Loves it! She loves to decorate the tree. She loves to decorate sugar cookies. She loves to decorate gingerbread houses, trains, Christmas trees and villages. Yes, they do make gingerbread kits in all those varieties! She loves Christmas carols and hanging stockings. And she even loves to visit Santa.

So about a week before Christmas, as I was putting her to bed, she says "go see Santa". Out-of-context requests like that are extremely rare so I knew it must be very important to her.

The next day I called Bass Pro Shop to find out their "Santa hours". She had been to see Santa there the year before (when anxiety issues were just beginning). I needed to find a time when I could take a second adult because trying to manage Katherine and 2-year-old Jonathan together out in public is risking disaster. I ended up choosing Friday morning. I hoped that most people would have already done their Santa visit and that if we arrived at opening that we would avoid most of the line.

Because this is a child with such severe anxiety that she has had trouble going almost anywhere, I checked with her a few times during the week to see if she still wanted to go. Each time I asked, it was "yes Santa!" . . . until it was time to get in the car to go. I was concerned but not surprised. Anxiety has kept her from many of her favorite activities this year. But at that point I fibbed to her just to get her in the car. "Okay Katherine, let's just go for a ride." Her brothers were ready to go and her cousins and grandparents were on hand to go along too. We could have left her behind but I knew it was the anxiety talking and that she might be able to push past it if we actually got her there.

So Allison, Katherine's morning therapy implementer, helped me get her to the car and brought the picture they had been making for Santa that morning. And magically, as soon as I pull into parking spot, Katherine took off her seatbelt and sat poised to get out of the car. When the van door slid open, she just hopped right out! It may seem that I am belaboring this point but it was really amazing! 

Allison hopped out behind her, felt in step with Katherine, and handed her the picture for Santa as she headed straight into the building. I got Jonathan out of his car seat and hustled to catch up. Again, completely amazed by this little girl who always walks at a snail's pace.

Things got dicier inside. We did not make our goal of arriving at opening and there was an enormous line for Santa. And that was just the 10:30 line. We were given a "fast pass" card and told that we couldn't even get in line until 11:00. It is actually a great system because people can walk around the store instead of standing in line for an hour. But I knew from past experience that Katherine's success could very easily be fleeting. It would not be the first time she started off strong and then fell to pieces.

So I handed Jonathan off to my parents and the cousins and went to find out if they would make accommodations for a special needs child. I hate doing that and when autism was the only problem I almost never had to. The "fast pass" attendant called a manager who was very nice about working with us. It was wonderful and terrible all at the same time. The big increase in intensity of Katherine's special needs have caused a big increase in my stress level over the past year and the minute someone shows me unexpected kindness, the dam breaks and pent up emotions come flooding out. I hate crying in front of 75 strangers!

The manager walked us straight to the front of the line through the exit avenue. Katherine, who had waited patiently thus far, strode ahead confidently as she realized where we were going, the picture she had made for Santa clutched securely in her little hands. We had to waylay her while the child already on Santa's lap finished up and the manager explained to the staff and the next people in line. And then she got her chance. She sat on Santa's lap, gave him her picture and had hers taken. She was happy! Mission accomplished!

Katherine didn't bring a list and she didn't whisper a Christmas wish into that snowy white hair. But those are things she doesn't know anything about so, as far as she was concerned, her visit to Santa was complete. I missed seeing Jonathan's first time visiting Santa but he got to enjoy that experience with his brother, grandparents and cousins. There are many times when Matt and I miss important moments with the boys but we are learning to celebrate the ones we do get to share. It was an emotionally exhausting visit for me but well worth it the result. Everyone got to see Santa and there were no anxiety attacks or tic clusters. All in all it was a successful trip.